He’s sauntering along the bar, getting ready to make a move. Handlebar, though, can’t read, speak, or write Woman. But the point being, she is giving off major Do Not Disturb vibes. Translation: I am on a roll, so do not bother me or I will throat punch you. I achieved full fluency in female body language, the clues, and the gestures.Ĭharlotte is tapping away on her laptop and biting the corner of her lip in concentration. I have an encyclopedic understanding of what a woman wants…and giving it to her. I double majored in college with one degree in finance and the other in the language of women-and I graduated summa cum laude. You know what they say happens when you assume. Assuming you can kiss her without her permission. What woman is going to find that flattering? Or how about this mistake? The guy who has a wandering eye and can’t stop checking out the other attractions. “Girl, you make my software turn into hardware,” or “You should sell hot dogs because you sure know how to make a weiner stand.” Yeah I couldn’t believe my ears either. Like starting the conversation with a stupid pick-up line. Most of the time, the odds are definitely not in the dude’s favor, because he makes the most common bar mistakes. I could be a fortuneteller if my specialty was predicting when a man would score and when he wouldn’t. But Jenny had to take off early because her sister had some sort of crisis, so I’m handling the last of the customers, while my business partner, Charlotte, is managing the books.Īs Handlebar leans in closer to Red Square, she backs away, shakes her head, grabs her purse, and heads for the exit. The bartenders here, who depend on tips, will appreciate it. “Best news I’ve had all day,” he says with a small quirk of the lips, before he chugs half the glass and plunks down a three-dollar tip. He’s working the whole my boss sucks for making me travel look, and at the very least I can help him in the drink department. I finish pouring a pale ale for one of our regulars, a businessman who pops in once a week. And you’ve got to look at them, or the lady is going to walk. And I mean “nice” in the sense that they could occupy their own zip code.
But the thing is, he’s staring at her rack.įine, the brunette has nice tits.
He’s stroking his handlebar mustache, and he’s acting like he’s the best listener in the world as he talks to a hot brunette with square red glasses.
His elbow’s on the metal counter in an aren’t I casual and cool pose. The dude down there at the corner of my bar.
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